Friday, April 22, 2016

In a vacuum

                 Life is not fair but self pity is not the right option

Last time I tendered an apology to my Boss when I didn't stand by his expectation while I was on an official tour to Goa to cover new year celebration. I was expected to file at least few special stories on implementation of government schemes in Goa but I remained locked in official guest house for a week and did nothing except the only work, I was officially assigned for. I had so many excuses to place and to argue to justify why my act was followed by number of reasons but I don't know why I decided to tender an "unconditional apology" and also asked my Boss to slash my salary or take any coercive action against me.

I learnt from my experience that if an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means this mistake is going to be committed again for which the apology has been tendered. Mistake is not a first hand thing. First hand thing is "act" not "mistake". If one makes a mistake and do not correct it, this is called a mistake. However, "mistake" is written twice in this sentence but intensity is decisively different.  

Although it pains me to confess it, I am quite familiar with the holes in life. Life has never been a bed of roses for me and it always added fuel to the fire whenever I'm told by one that the life is similar for everyone and I'm not the exception. My familiarity is due to the fact that I spend far more time in these holes than I spend on the paths that brought me to them.

Mistake is a byproduct of Depression, to some extent. If a mistake is justified then this is nothing but a self-pity which is a psychological state of mind. But, if a mistake is confessed without any attempt to justify, it's not a self-pity moreover it's a kind of introspection. Where there is no introspection, there is no reason to assure for safe and secure future.

According to Wikipedia, Though the primary focus of self-pity is on the self and one's own emotions within, it also has a strong interpersonal component. Being an interpersonal emotion is directing the emotional feeling or response toward others with the goal of attracting attention, empathy or help. However, some who are dealing with self-pity usually look outside of themselves for the source of their problems which only leads to a downward spiral of issues.

Self-pity must not be appreciated but it also must not be demeaned too, if a person expresses it. In my last article to a Mumbai based tabloid newspaper, I mentioned that every person has different immune system to face emotional challenges. The worst consolation to a needy is "You're not the only victim of life". I'm still trying to find out why people used to say this while he consoles someone. This is the worst method to console anyone.

Self-pity leads serious mistakes and all mistakes have to pay in life, sooner or later.


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